IM BACK :D

hello helloooooooooo

so a quick recap of my life, had my ups and downs, happy moments, sad moments, stressed moments and the turning point moments the usual stuff :)

so the change in my lifestyle now: these days i've been looking after my fitness level! which is good, meaning im watching what i eat, and im exercising at least 3 days a week :) i hope to do city to surf next year which is a big step for me. Went for a 6am jog this morning :D am so proud of myself, no more '6am jogs in my mind' ahahah xP since i just started, my fitness level is shit lmao, i go for approx 20-30mins jog each time but even then its not constant jogging ahaha. but i can feel myself getting fitter compared to when i first started, cos believe me, when i first went to jog, i was DYING! ahahah trying to be 55kg max by the start of summer :) since my weight isn't constant, jumps around alot, so im happy with a range of 50-55. and by this i don't mean skin and bones, i mean toned body ahaha considering getting a belly button peircing too xP but first piority is getting my fitness level up, so that it becomes a normal lifestyle for me, as a exercise and science student i should do that =D
and im currently looking for a new job :)

happy moments: my life summed up right now is at a happy stage ahaha, got my Ps reccently, and things have been fun for me :) made new friends this sememter :) of course through the common interest we share of STARCRAFT! ahaha nahh i joke xP oooooo and i got my Ps reccently xP OHH YeAHHH! i feel so grown up and independent when i drive by myself. im a big girl now :) keke
The house rennovations are almost done ;) just missing a few final touches and the furniture! then house party at my house wooootttt ahahah xP theres alot more good things happening in my life now but nothing of importance :)

Sad moments: the saddest thing encountered reccently happened yesterday. the coffee guy i had a thing for quit :( IM SO SADDDD just when there was a bit of conversation going on between us, he left all of a sudden T_T uni life will never be the same :(
The next issue, i wouldnt call it a sad moment, but its always been in that category so why not? ahhaha i've always had a pretty decent understanding of pat's personality, but its just been confirmed for me now, im not going to bad mouth him because i persoanlly do not regret ever dating him, however i can also say that im happy we broke up while it was still not as deep, yeah both issues don't really work together, but just follow me with this one ahaha

Stressed moments: yesterday me and my friend were going through our assesment dates. and we just realised our first mid sem exam is in week 6 D: we're almost half way through week 4 already. our exams this semester go over a span of 3 weeks, with 3 theory exams and 3 practical exams. feels like just yesterday we started uni, and exams are around the corner already. really need to step up my game this semester so i have a slight bit more chance to transfer, last semester results was just awful, barely skimmed passed with a 'pass' for 2 of my subjects. so i have to work hard. I've been more motivated with alot of things now, like waking up early to get to uni on tim and exercising regularly so if i pushed myself, hopefully studying will become a routine for me but i have to admit.....GAMING IS JUST SO ADDICTIVEEEEEEE :(

so thats my recap of the life of stella the past few months. time for dinner (late dinner, i know...not good for my new lifestyle), then hopefully get some studying done, although i always end up using that 'tomorrow' excuse.
so until next time my dears. toodles ♥

fking cold :)

OMGG its been so cold these dayss :( sighh cannot wait for winter to be over :) keke

im so happy right now :) the shoes and bags i ordered online arrived xP its a good thing that the shoes fit me cos i had to buy a size smaller for one of them since they didn't have my size in stock. The bags i ordered are pretty too :) pretty true to the picture i have to say. and i will buy from there again <3 ahah once my money comes back, i still haven't gotten off my ass to look for another job....well by that i mean i havent been bothered to put the gaming and dramas aside to start ahaha my daily routine nowdays is pretty much sleep, eat, game, drama. ahaha unless im going out but that normally results in the same routine when i get home ahahah xP
sighh i hope all my hard work in losing weight wont go wasted LMAO
Ohhh im going up to blue moutains this weekend :) friend invited us to go up and see his bonfire xP its going to be like 2m highh =D too bad we can't roast marshmallows with it unless we had like a 2m long stick ahaha normally i wouldnt be bothered considering im not a big fan of nature after i quited scouts a few years back but its a good change of environment i guess :) with all the shit going on in my life right now, it'll be pretty relaxing to be able to go to the 'countryside' so yeah :) i will take my massive beautiful camera and take heaps of photos :) ahahah anyways too cold to type right nowww. i will prob go back to my drama if not gaming ahaha. been gaming too much, to the point that i dream about it xP bwahaha

toodles dear :)

p.s. i want to send my love and thanks to the people who have been worried over me and the people who have supported me through all this shit. :) STEEELLLAA LOVEESSS YOUUU ALLL :D and ish fine now (y)

:)

i have finished my exams wooottt i will be a very happy girl until my results come out xP

so i guess i've been feeling better these days, just trying to keep myself occupied so i don't think about it lmao which tends to happen when im alone sighhh =( I will admit that i still have feelings for him but i know theres nothing i can do about it, cos you just can't turn back time ahah and that we'll all move on eventually so yeah =)

wanna go out soo much but im lacking money sighhhh need to look for a new job ahaha im still working at the bistro on weekend nights but i have to quit my tutoring job cos of uni timetables next sem sighh its like school all over again :( monday and wednesday is 9 to 5, tuesday is 8 to 5 and friday is 9 to 11 SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH guess i can't stay up anymore =(

anyways im off to bed nowww =) goodnigtssswtdrmsss =D

Time.

They say time heals everything but why is time going by really slow? Wish I could just skip all this pain Sighh
Thought i was getting over it and that I would be fine telling people what happened when they asked but the fact that he still appears in my dreams just shows that I still havent brought myself to move on. Sighh had a long talk with the bestie, we came go the conclusion that I am a very 'affectionate' person, as mature as I seem about some issues when it comes to relationships I reply on the other person quite abit, which is werid cos it contradicts each other sigh I'm weird Ahah

Like people have been telling me, 'if it didn't work out with him then it just meant he wasnt the one and that someone one else would eventually come around', yeah i want to tell myself that, right from the beginning I knew it was going to be hard but I still had hope that it would work out in the end.
Guess our expectations, commitments and needs were different when it came to relationships.

GD@$!JFBJ!,;!GBFR!(,vhnbjmBhafbHajbaviAB!nm?j bleh!
That's my little rage and I'm pretty much just saying w.e is on my mind right now so you can just ignore this post AHAHA xP maybe it would of been smarter to put this at the beginning of the post as a warning lmao meh cbf. Too hard to navigate on iPhone xD

Anyways off to sleep :)
Goodnights darlings <3
P.s two down and two to go :) halfway to a month of freedom :)

realisation

Try not to dislike
Try to appreciate

Try not to expect
Try to accept

Try not to judge
Try to understand

Try not to escape
Try to fix

Try not to ask
Try to give

Try not to regret
Try to live harder

Try not to hold
Try to let go.

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cos i realised he wasn't worth all this pain and that eventually he wont be all i think about.

habits

when i saw texts from you, i would smile like no tomorrow. when i saw you're name on the incoming call, my heart would skip a beat. to the point it became a habit to keep my phone with me 24/7.
sad thing is, even now i still do, hoping you might decide to call me. :(
this sucks. ahaha

:(

It hurts so much :( why won't it stop? ;( can't eat or sleep properly sigh...
I'm fine when I'm around people but when I'm alone, I start thinking about the 'what ifs', what if I had done that instead? Or what if I had been more mature about it? Sigh but like my best friend said, it would have happened eventually, best it happen when it's not that far into the relationship. Guess that's one thing I should be 'happy' about, if I'm like this already what would happen if this occurred later on?

But is it wrong of me for wanting to be with him again?? I always thought the girls who got back with their bf after breaking up, were stupid and just hurting themselves but now I know how much it hurts and that you'll do anything to stop the pain.

But you know what? My sadness has turned into anger. Angry at myself for being like this, when really it shouldn't even be a big deal at all. I think about the things my friends are going through around me and try to tell myself, I shouldn't be acting like this when clearly there are people around me who need more support. My best friend was telling me how I look tough on the outside but when it comes to relationships I get attached really easy :(

Wish I could just erase my memory Ahah maybe one day I'll just wake up and forget about it completely. But I know it'll take me ages to do that.

its over

well we broke up.
i cant say it was a really big issue but hey if we cant make it over this bump, how are we suppose to make it over a mountain when we encounter one in the future. It ended just as fast as we started.
i want to tell myself not be affected by all of this, and get on with life, especially with exams around the corner, but its harder then i thought ahaha sigh.
well theres not much to update =) i would say the next time ill be back with when exams are over and i will be a VERYYY HAPPY GIRLLL ahahah x) oh and i''ve been getting more shifts for work nowdays so thats good =) i'm running low on money anyways lmao xP
toodles dear. until next time <3