the only out I know.

I've been crying a lot these days, I don't know why but it sucks. What sucks the most is when you try to tell your best friend about it, all he says is 'you're cracked' Thanks for the help.

What am I suppose to do?

You know who you are

I hope you're happy and living the life because in you getting a girlfriend, i lost a group of friends and a best friend in the process.

Also to another person, im not going to judge you because you have a child but i will judge you if youre not going to be a proud mother and choose to hide that child from the world.

Been awhile

Its been ages since i last wrote here, almost forget my password. Never thought i would be back here. Im not expecting anyone to read this, but i just needed to get it off my chest because i have no one else to turn to.

ALOT has happened since i last wrote here, ive moved down to Canberra to study nutrition. I currently live by myself on campus. Initially i was so excited about moving to Canberra. I thought experiencing a change would make things better, after all my own best friend was already in Canberra so how i still had someone to fall back on. Boy was i wrong, She's been in Canberra for awhile now and found herself a lovely boy, i knew things would change when she got a bf, despite all the reassurance from her that it wont, after all she has a new life in Canberra, shes grown to depend on her bf and doesnt need me anymore. Even though ive moved to Canberra, to her its as if i'm not here. I just thought that she would be there for me after all i've gone to a place where i have absolutely no one other than her. I guess in a way i cant blame her, everyone has to move on with their life, theres no such thing as those ever lasting friendships between best friends like in movies, sooner or later, someone moves on. Suppose its my own fault, for treasuring friendship so much.

My other best friend has recently got a gf too, and since then, he has completely neglected me too. We dont talk as much as before or should i say dont talk at all, i guess thats why im so lonely right now. My only best friends arent there for me anymore. The two people ive always been able to rely on. 

Another friendship group ive grown distance from is my high school friends. I admit, I've had some issues with a certain person(s) in that group, although i thought it was solved, im not sure if those issues are the reason they've excluded me. Constantly making group outings and not inviting me, while they go and invite my best friend (who they met through me, ironic huh?) oh and her bf who they've only met two - three times. Using the excuse 'oh we forgot to invite her'  while i know i shouldnt care, it still bugs me, what have i done for them to hate me?. I didnt even realise they just didnt want me there until my best friend told me about them planning a snow trip and not inviting me because some of them didnt want me there. They're not even trying to use the 'we forgot' excuse anymore. The most disappointing part was my best friend didnt even try to fight for me or find out the reason why. She just accepted the fact that they didnt want me there. I know i shouldnt care, i shouldn't need negative people in my life, but it still hurts, to find out your presence isnt wanted by your own friends really breaks your heart.

My university friends have been lovely, despite only getting close in the last 8 months, we have group convos, which has become the highlights of my day. Being here in Canberra, i can go a whole day without talking to someone, so seeing a notification in the group conversation always makes me feel better, even if its not directed to me.

But at the end of the day, its not the same, no one to physically talk to face to face, no one to give you a hug when you're down or give you a shoulder to cry on.
Ive always been emotional and bawl my eyes out in about every movie but these days, i just cry. sometimes the tears just appear out of no where. Ive also had a hard time keeping food down, and im currently on medication, i want to believe that ive just got a bug in me  making me feel sick all the time but deep down i know its something psychological that's making me like this.

Half of me wants to confront the matter straight up, to talk to these people, but the other half of me knows that even if i do, at the end of the day, they're actions are just going to be out of pity. If they've cut me out of their life till now, then obviously they dont value me the same way i value them, and i can do nothing but move on. Easier said then done right?


I just wished things got better. I dont know how much longer i can take this...

Desire to just craw in a hole and never come out

The dreaded week is here...the week all uni students hate, late night crams, the stress, the procrastination, and the regrets for slacking off the semester.
Yup kill me now. WHY DIDN'T I START STUDYING EARLIER!?!? Why am I still procrastinating ?? Omgggggg
Everytime this happens i tell myself i brought it on myself and to not repeat the same mistake next time yet I always do. WHYYYYYYYY AM I SO LAZY?!?

ello peeps :)

hi hi!
so its beeeeen AGGGGGGGGGESSSSSSSS since i last wrote a blog ahaha. i've just been lazy xP no excuses lmao. its the last week of holidays already and uni starts in a few days. cant believe im halfway through uni since my course is only 3 years. Im in that state where im excited to go back to uni but at the same time i dont want to ahaha xP

So i safely passed last semester, and this semester is going to be harder for me since im picking up an extra subject so it means im doing 5. i have approx 5-6 hours of classes for 4 days and 2 hours on my 5th day. Never been at uni 5 days a week before xP ahahah then i gotta add work into all of this.

Shifts have been getting cut down at myer reccently and i dunno when it'll go back up but i guess its ok, since i got uni to worry about. Im kind of thinking of applying for the new topshop opening right opposite myer. Change of environment i guess ahaha also cos we're getting a new manager who may be a old team leader we had and i hate her so yeah.

Havent done much today, been lying in bed and the couch ahahah, i've started my diet again, since i've got 3 months to achieve my summer body and i guess being a couch potato isnt helping ahah BUT i have legit excuse xP, went to the gym on monday and i was sore from it but i still went yesterday so now im REAAALLLLLYYY sore ahahah xP i plan to go tomorrow too :D i figured, i dont go all out at the gym so i may as well go more days to make up for it LMAO.

oh and i just found out another two of my friends are dating xP ahaha i was so shocked at first cos it was so sudden. well sudden for me since i dont hang with that group right now. But im also happy for them xP ahaha its funny since we've all known each other from high school, how feelings can change. cos i certainly did not see any of this coming in high school. Guess they're right when they say feelings change with time ahaha

So the best friend is still in canberra, guess im coping ahhaha i went up for 4 days at the start of the holidays, we had fun although all we did was sleep and go out to party at night ahahaha. But damn its bloody cold there and we still saw girls walking around in skimpy dresses at night. Dem girls are crazy... She also comes down like 2 times a month which is cool :) even back before she left, we didnt see each other much but i guess the only difference is, we have to plan our meet ups way beforehand, its not the usual, call and lets go out thing ahahah

Dont have much more to say now :) i'll be honest with you, i prob wont be back for another month, but yeah. Until i have something new and maybe more interesting happening in my life, i prob wont have much to blog till then.
So goodbye my darlings :) Stay happy, dont worry and enjoy life as it comes :D

sick before exam period. fuck.

:(

so exams are finally overr (ended on monday), i guess i should be happy about it but the thought of having 3 assignments due in the next week before i have to start studying again makes me stress ahaha
i dont think i told you guys before but my parents went to china for a few weeks,  they have been gone for exactly one week. i miss them so much :( i was on the verge of crying when i was going to uni todayyy T_T
i also have more respect for all the mothers out there, who work, clean and cook without complaining for us. I never knew it was so hard :( and im not even doing as good of a job as my mum. my bro is pretty lazy and useless, even if i dont cook for him and he cooks for himself, i still have to end up cleaning after him cos he makes a mess.
so not much happening in my life worth mentioning, im going back to work on friday after taking 2 weeks off for exams. sigh not really looking forward to it but im running low on money so yeah. i guess i could be doing worst jobs then myer, so i should be thankful i have that job. but then again who loves working ahaha

so yeah, think i may go to sleep now, been pretty tired, haven't had decent hours of sleep the past few days and i got a lot to do over the next few days, like cleaning the house, buying groceries, cleaning my room (biggest challenge xD) etc etc, everything thing i've been putting off because of exams lmao.

so good nights darlings :) when more interesting things happen or i have news worth mentioning i will be back :) toodlessss


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

:)

So yesterday was my birthday :) my bestie made it very special cos she drove me to the beach and we ate cake then threw sparklers everywhere ahaha she kept complaining that she acts like my boyfriend and I should get a proper one lmao same goes for her too. Ahaha yup we're lonely sad girls xD we probably also disturbed the other couples on the beach since we were running around screaming and laughing keke x) Parents left for china today. Feels so weird and I miss them already :( went grocery shopping with the bro, brought about two days worth of food and it was $60! So expensive considering we didn't buy much lmao probably go aldi on the weekend cos its cheaper xD So I'm going to go shower at sleep ahaha Nights dears :)