Been awhile

Its been ages since i last wrote here, almost forget my password. Never thought i would be back here. Im not expecting anyone to read this, but i just needed to get it off my chest because i have no one else to turn to.

ALOT has happened since i last wrote here, ive moved down to Canberra to study nutrition. I currently live by myself on campus. Initially i was so excited about moving to Canberra. I thought experiencing a change would make things better, after all my own best friend was already in Canberra so how i still had someone to fall back on. Boy was i wrong, She's been in Canberra for awhile now and found herself a lovely boy, i knew things would change when she got a bf, despite all the reassurance from her that it wont, after all she has a new life in Canberra, shes grown to depend on her bf and doesnt need me anymore. Even though ive moved to Canberra, to her its as if i'm not here. I just thought that she would be there for me after all i've gone to a place where i have absolutely no one other than her. I guess in a way i cant blame her, everyone has to move on with their life, theres no such thing as those ever lasting friendships between best friends like in movies, sooner or later, someone moves on. Suppose its my own fault, for treasuring friendship so much.

My other best friend has recently got a gf too, and since then, he has completely neglected me too. We dont talk as much as before or should i say dont talk at all, i guess thats why im so lonely right now. My only best friends arent there for me anymore. The two people ive always been able to rely on. 

Another friendship group ive grown distance from is my high school friends. I admit, I've had some issues with a certain person(s) in that group, although i thought it was solved, im not sure if those issues are the reason they've excluded me. Constantly making group outings and not inviting me, while they go and invite my best friend (who they met through me, ironic huh?) oh and her bf who they've only met two - three times. Using the excuse 'oh we forgot to invite her'  while i know i shouldnt care, it still bugs me, what have i done for them to hate me?. I didnt even realise they just didnt want me there until my best friend told me about them planning a snow trip and not inviting me because some of them didnt want me there. They're not even trying to use the 'we forgot' excuse anymore. The most disappointing part was my best friend didnt even try to fight for me or find out the reason why. She just accepted the fact that they didnt want me there. I know i shouldnt care, i shouldn't need negative people in my life, but it still hurts, to find out your presence isnt wanted by your own friends really breaks your heart.

My university friends have been lovely, despite only getting close in the last 8 months, we have group convos, which has become the highlights of my day. Being here in Canberra, i can go a whole day without talking to someone, so seeing a notification in the group conversation always makes me feel better, even if its not directed to me.

But at the end of the day, its not the same, no one to physically talk to face to face, no one to give you a hug when you're down or give you a shoulder to cry on.
Ive always been emotional and bawl my eyes out in about every movie but these days, i just cry. sometimes the tears just appear out of no where. Ive also had a hard time keeping food down, and im currently on medication, i want to believe that ive just got a bug in me  making me feel sick all the time but deep down i know its something psychological that's making me like this.

Half of me wants to confront the matter straight up, to talk to these people, but the other half of me knows that even if i do, at the end of the day, they're actions are just going to be out of pity. If they've cut me out of their life till now, then obviously they dont value me the same way i value them, and i can do nothing but move on. Easier said then done right?


I just wished things got better. I dont know how much longer i can take this...