:)

i have finished my exams wooottt i will be a very happy girl until my results come out xP

so i guess i've been feeling better these days, just trying to keep myself occupied so i don't think about it lmao which tends to happen when im alone sighhh =( I will admit that i still have feelings for him but i know theres nothing i can do about it, cos you just can't turn back time ahah and that we'll all move on eventually so yeah =)

wanna go out soo much but im lacking money sighhhh need to look for a new job ahaha im still working at the bistro on weekend nights but i have to quit my tutoring job cos of uni timetables next sem sighh its like school all over again :( monday and wednesday is 9 to 5, tuesday is 8 to 5 and friday is 9 to 11 SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH guess i can't stay up anymore =(

anyways im off to bed nowww =) goodnigtssswtdrmsss =D

Time.

They say time heals everything but why is time going by really slow? Wish I could just skip all this pain Sighh
Thought i was getting over it and that I would be fine telling people what happened when they asked but the fact that he still appears in my dreams just shows that I still havent brought myself to move on. Sighh had a long talk with the bestie, we came go the conclusion that I am a very 'affectionate' person, as mature as I seem about some issues when it comes to relationships I reply on the other person quite abit, which is werid cos it contradicts each other sigh I'm weird Ahah

Like people have been telling me, 'if it didn't work out with him then it just meant he wasnt the one and that someone one else would eventually come around', yeah i want to tell myself that, right from the beginning I knew it was going to be hard but I still had hope that it would work out in the end.
Guess our expectations, commitments and needs were different when it came to relationships.

GD@$!JFBJ!,;!GBFR!(,vhnbjmBhafbHajbaviAB!nm?j bleh!
That's my little rage and I'm pretty much just saying w.e is on my mind right now so you can just ignore this post AHAHA xP maybe it would of been smarter to put this at the beginning of the post as a warning lmao meh cbf. Too hard to navigate on iPhone xD

Anyways off to sleep :)
Goodnights darlings <3
P.s two down and two to go :) halfway to a month of freedom :)

realisation

Try not to dislike
Try to appreciate

Try not to expect
Try to accept

Try not to judge
Try to understand

Try not to escape
Try to fix

Try not to ask
Try to give

Try not to regret
Try to live harder

Try not to hold
Try to let go.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
cos i realised he wasn't worth all this pain and that eventually he wont be all i think about.

habits

when i saw texts from you, i would smile like no tomorrow. when i saw you're name on the incoming call, my heart would skip a beat. to the point it became a habit to keep my phone with me 24/7.
sad thing is, even now i still do, hoping you might decide to call me. :(
this sucks. ahaha

:(

It hurts so much :( why won't it stop? ;( can't eat or sleep properly sigh...
I'm fine when I'm around people but when I'm alone, I start thinking about the 'what ifs', what if I had done that instead? Or what if I had been more mature about it? Sigh but like my best friend said, it would have happened eventually, best it happen when it's not that far into the relationship. Guess that's one thing I should be 'happy' about, if I'm like this already what would happen if this occurred later on?

But is it wrong of me for wanting to be with him again?? I always thought the girls who got back with their bf after breaking up, were stupid and just hurting themselves but now I know how much it hurts and that you'll do anything to stop the pain.

But you know what? My sadness has turned into anger. Angry at myself for being like this, when really it shouldn't even be a big deal at all. I think about the things my friends are going through around me and try to tell myself, I shouldn't be acting like this when clearly there are people around me who need more support. My best friend was telling me how I look tough on the outside but when it comes to relationships I get attached really easy :(

Wish I could just erase my memory Ahah maybe one day I'll just wake up and forget about it completely. But I know it'll take me ages to do that.

its over

well we broke up.
i cant say it was a really big issue but hey if we cant make it over this bump, how are we suppose to make it over a mountain when we encounter one in the future. It ended just as fast as we started.
i want to tell myself not be affected by all of this, and get on with life, especially with exams around the corner, but its harder then i thought ahaha sigh.
well theres not much to update =) i would say the next time ill be back with when exams are over and i will be a VERYYY HAPPY GIRLLL ahahah x) oh and i''ve been getting more shifts for work nowdays so thats good =) i'm running low on money anyways lmao xP
toodles dear. until next time <3

OMG♥

I WANT ONE =(