RIP Grandma

Guess the shock went away and reality hit.
i randomly started crying today when some people noticed i wasn't acting normal, and they were wondering if i was ok.
Wat worst i ended up crying in front of everyone
but thankfully it was before the math exam so people prob thought i was crying cos of that...

I hate it when people say my family's perfect...well its not, no ones perfect...
i have a uncle who is hopeless at everything.
His in his late 30's and is still 'studying' to become, not the assistance of a doctor which is a nurse but the assistance of the nurse...wtf is that
He has a 14month daughter and his wife is just as bad. Both of them laze around at home. Sleep till the afternoon, uncle goes off to work for 4 hours (prob gets paid less then someone half his age)
and his wife just sits around at home. She can't speak english but wont get a job at china town cos she thinks shes 'all that' cos shes got a american citizenship
When we went over to visit, their daughter was only few weeks old, and being babies, they tend to cry alot. What was most disgusting was that my uncle passed HIS daughter who was crying in the middle of the night to my grandma, which then after he went back to bed.
I hope that little girl doesn't grow up like my uncle, always wanting the best but doesn't have the power to get it so he asks his older siblings and my grandparent's for money.

My mum says that my grandma passed away cos of the stress she was reciving from my uncle and his family....
then she goes on and compares about how she was taught in her family, how regardless if it was a boy or girl they were all taught the same way...
how my grandma always spoils my uncle and how my dads doing the same when he should be teaching him the right thing
well my uncle is fking in his late 30s, if he was gonna learn the 'right way in life' i think he would have got it ages ago. Teaching him now isn't gonna work
when his been spoiled for the last 30 years or so. My mum goes on about how much she hates my uncle, but only in front of me since she doesn't wanna cause a fight with my dad
well frankly i dun give a shit, i just feel sorry for that little girl who's prob gonna be exposed to the same teachings by her father.
oh and mum, Im not gonna go america to study, no matter how much you say would benifit me or that my grandma wanted me too.

All this pisses me off ARGH! and im prob gonna be stiked bu thunder or something for desrespecting elders but i have to let it out. Since im younger i can't say this to adults cos ill prob get slapped for it.
I feel abit better after getting this out. I feel sorry for my grandma who had to deal with a son like that but i guess its a parents responsibility how a child is brought up.

Grandma i still love you dearly and i hope you rest in peace <3 ill miss you every much although you nag alot, but i kno you mean well.





The little girl who i grew to love deeply even though our time together was only a month. Miss you sweetie ♥

We will always love you

My grandma passed away last night right after my dad and bro rushed over to america to see her.

I guess im so shocked that i dont kno how to react when my mum told me just then.

I feel so bad, when my grandma from my mum's side passed away i cried alot but when i heard this news i don't feel as sad >< dun get me wrong, i still love this grandma alot...sigh....

RIP 'Mama' <3 we will always love you

sigh

new problems, but dunno how to write about it D= so much things going on in my mind right now ><

Holidays

sleep at 4am
wake up at 4pm
eat w.e is in the fridge
computer
dinner
computer
*repeat :)

RWAR:

Hey guys :)
havnt blogged in ages, so i decided to drop in, will probaly be abit busy the next few weeks beacause of assignments etc.
Update of my life so far? ;) :

20.11 Went to a friends party, hot guys too bad they're taken );

21.11 Study with the family as per usual, Michael and Ceewing @ West Ryde, don't think we got alot done

23.11-25.11 SRC Lostock Camp x) heaps fun, besides the FKING FLIES! and bugs, cow shit etc everywhere lol

28.11 Went study again, with ceewing, quyen and michael + friends, met nice and new friends xP

1.12 Currently bludging even tho her assignment is due on wed, but hey my internet kept disconnecting so i couldn't do it, but she promises, she'll get all the info she needs tomorrow and turn off her internet so she can finish it (Y) GOAL: not to pull a all nighter for once xD

As you can see my life isn't that interesting right now.
Future Plans:
FIND A FUCKING JOB TO PAY FOR ALL THE EVENTS ETC!
5.12Jig studying to go to Henry's Party, probaly wont stay long since my english assesment is on Monday P1

6.12 Probaly makeup lessons for tutor D:

9.12 Math extention 1 assesment PA

10.12 Math assesment PA....again T_T

11.12 Japanese Assesment

12.12 Aully, Crystal, Daisy and Grace's party. Semi formal (see why i need money? not to mention all the god damn presents)

16.12 NOT GOING SCHOOL, ONLY GOT ONE PERIOD xD CBF!

22.12? Saaya Moira, Beckie Party

24.12 BBQ with my girls at riverside <3

22.1 QUYEN HONEY'S 18th. More dress shopping

i just realised now u can stalk me lol, well this can be my reminder timetable if i forget what i have planned ;P

anywayz im off to bed, fuking caught a cold i think -_________-

hmmmmmmm;

sorry dear blog for visiting u after soo long ♥

but i've been pretty grumpy lately probaly abit from the weather too. Sigh im so fed up with everything right now ><;; and i get pissed easily lol so its bestyou don't piss me off x) gah this stupid weather is like OMG! so frkn hot! >=|


and im going camp on monday...yeh to some farm for THREE days in this HOOOOT weather ...gahh! and ill probaly have to take my homework there so i don't miss out.
according to the math teacher, the three days which ill be away, we're going to go through ALL of integration in like what?...3 lessons? -_________- he probaly meant basics, but knowing him who gives out a shit load of homework, ill have heaps to catch up on. SIGH!


anywayz thats whats happening in my life so far, nothing worth talking about lol
gdnites ♥

;

feels incomplete or as if somethings wrong.

Reality;

i never realised what reality was until now. Ever since ages ago, i always thought 'hey if we just laugh it over everythings going to be fine'. I never realised how serious things were until now, when im more concious of issues around me. I don't want to boast about my family being happy because all family's have they're sad moments, but i have to say, compared to others, im.....well not going to say fortunate, but hmmmm.....you get my point.

Back then i always thought depression was just something that you could get over, i never realised how serious depression could lead to, even know im not really sure of what depression can mean or lead to. I myself, do not think i have gone through depression, yeah i sometimes whine about 'Im depresssed' but really its just issues LOL

I havnt been through serious depression myself, so sometimes im lost in words when my friends come to me about it, all i can do is just sit there and listen, i don't want to say anything accidently that might hurt their feelings. And to be straight im not going to go with the cliche 'you have to love yourself' , but should be at least like ourselves a little xP .

Friends and Families are there for a reason, to support you, but maybe sometimes you just want to think alone, cry for no reason, be upset over yourself for crying over nothing. I cant force a friend to talk to me if they don't want to, and i would probaly start crying, which i will also be upset for crying beacause of sympathy, where comparing to the accual problems is nothing and may sometimes seem insulting to the person. Im not a expert in this, but i don't want people to bottle it up, because one day, it'll explode, and it may be a crucial moments. If you feel like you're not ready to talk to a friend, maybe you can write it out, like in a blog (for me, my blogs are where i rage about issues i have), or write a letter and not accually send it. I know im blabbling on about nothing, but yeh =\ , just don't keep it inside of you, you don't always have to act strong as if nothings is wrong. Not everyone is strong nor independent, sometimes you havta lean on others that are there to support you.

well i think i stopped blabbling, so im off to shower and bed so i can go study tomorrow with ceewing darling, Sister Michael and My honey quyen.

gdnites swtdrms to the people who read this blog...oh and if you feel unloved...

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥STELLA LOVES EVERYONE! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

xoxo